There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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