Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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