Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
