Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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