Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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