better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
