My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
