booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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