We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
