Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
