Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
