Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
