When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
