You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
