I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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