I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
