I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
