The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
