Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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