i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
