i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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