I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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