Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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