i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
