two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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