Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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