Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
