I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
