you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
