ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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