I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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