we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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