Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
