So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
