And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
