woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Drunk is not a location!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
