Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We don't watch enough power rangers
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
