I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
