I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
please don't ironically join a cult
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