So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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