Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
