A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
