Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
