lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
