I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
