this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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