he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
