No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
