i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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