Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
