after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
