to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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