How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
